Irrationality. Woe Is Me.

Life isn't always (ever?) fair. I know this, I live it. Sometimes, I still have to bitch about it. If you can't handle a little bitching, please come back another day. If you can handle the bitching, please don't attempt to give me "pat on the back" comments afterwards. I really don't need that at all, so if you could all just skip the "hang in there" speeches, it'd be much appreciated.

That being said, I am SO FUCKING JEALOUS. There are a few friends of mine whose deployments started AFTER ours and are now ending. Like within the month. I know, I know, shoulda been a Marine wife... but that Army boy was just so dang charming. And the sex... well... anyway... Back to my rant?

How seriously twisted is it that these wives are getting ready for homecoming AND they just got R&R AND it's only been 8 months? I just hate it. I mean, I'm happy for them and all, I do emphasize that they are my friends but it just pisses me off that we still have another 4-5 months until we MIGHT be able to hope for homecoming. I don't even know if my husband will be home in 2009. *deleted: rant about how I've been doing this longer than 99.9% of the wives in our unit* I'm so sick and tired of dealing with all of this. I just want him home. I don't want to do this alone anymore, I don't feel like my strength will hold out much longer. I was hanging by a frayed thread before R&R, and now I'm a little better after seeing him, but really, let's face it, I'm not myself without my husband. Not that I lost myself in being with him, more that I found the rest of me that I didn't know I was missing, and now it's gone again.

I just don't feel like I can handle another lonely night, another endless day to get through without his smiling face peeking around the corner and saying, "Hello my family!" And it is KILLING ME to watch all these wives get ready for homecoming. I feel like we deserve it just as much, but we won't be getting it any time soon. I'm almost to the point of wanting to make nasty comments to these girls... but I don't WANT to do that, it's just the evil part of me that wants to rain on their parade cause I'm sitting here all miserable. Isn't that the definition of a bully? Ugh. Compassion fail.

I miss you, husband of mine, and nothing is going to fix that or fill the void in our house that you left until you're home again.