body doubles

Last night around 7pm, as I do every night, I tucked my sleepy son into his bed. Warm bottle, Tigger doll, soft blanket touching his face, bigger one covering his body, Binky placed near his head (a bright color so he can see it in the dark when he reaches for it), classical music piping through the small clock radio on his dresser. Ahh, the little contented kicking and bouncing of his feet begins (he has "happy feet" just like daddy!)... I smile, rub his head and say, "Goodnight sweet mouse, I love you!" I close the door, sigh, and start cleaning up the mess we've made throughout the day. I know I will wake up and deal with the same drooly, smiling little boy in the morning.

Except today. Today, my son has been replaced. Taken away. The boy I knew, grew, love, and raised, has been taken over by a 2 1/2 foot tall KAMIKAZE! 7am: he pulls apart the baby monitor already taped to the outside of his crib to restrict access, ELECTROCUTES THE HELL OUT OF HIMSELF. 8am: channels his inner "beached whale" in the shower, almost killing me in the process. 830am: decides pulling up to stand using the side of the changing table is a great plan-- while sitting on TOP of the changing table (insert images of me wresting him into a diaper during this lovely episode). 9am: a time I stupidly thought he was playing quietly with his toys... turns out he was eating all the food he had dropped on the floor the day before. Hey, to that, I say whatever! At least it got picked up. I was much too tired last night. 10am: cue the lovely sound of "slam, SCREAM" coming from a corner of the living room. This time he decided to pull up on the baby gate that's NOT hooked up to anything and is just resting against the wall. To make a long story short, I have repeatedly beseeched the heavens to give me back my sweet little boy... who, yesterday, when I would tell him no, would move back and at least acknowledge my having spoken to him. This... THING that is masquerading as my son just LAUGHS AT ME.

I'm sure I'll ask this many more times in my life as his mother but where did I go wrong? OR rather, what evil Leprechaun do I have to maim to get my kid back?