just call me the bitch of the brigade

So I went to dinner with a friend last night (our husbands are in the same unit, thus the friendship BUT if there were any other way for us to have met I firmly believe we'd have been friends regardless!) and we were re-hashing the drama that inevitable comes during a deployment.

First of all, let me say, I am not perfect. I've not been the most amazing wife to my husband, I have definitely given him cause to shake his head and call me a psycho bitch (I do blame post partum depression, a redhead's temper and a deployment for adding to this but let's be real I'm not always rational when everything is RIGHT in my world), but I am NOT THAT BAD. Unless, as a side note, you ask my mother in law. She is still (after 2 1/2 years) trying to get my husband back together with his ex (who is ALSO married with THREE kids). But as usual, I digress.

So ANYWAY, over burgers and fries (which I got to eat like 3 of because my son was apparently starving- see, again, rabbit trails) we went through the list of "Shit That Ashley Has Done" in the past 7 months. I also added more that I thought of later that people said about me during this deployment. May I just say, had ANY of this been true, I might be inclined to be impressed with myself for being so very evil and still managing to look cute in family pictures. May I also say, I have new friends. Ha.

Alright so seriously, here's the list (of outright lies but hopefully that's understood):
-Had a threesome with my neighbors instead of going to an FRG meeting
-Got our FRG leader fired
-Spread rumors about aforementioned burger buddy's husband having an affair (IN AFGHANISTAN)
-Spent all my husband's money on supporting another man
-Had a baby (well, same baby I have now) by another man (hopefully the above mooch?)
-Broke up a marriage (also due to my slutty slutty ways... man I hope I at least had some good orgasms for all the sex I had!)

I think that's it... But seriously people. Even people who don't LIKE me for reasons of their own have said, "You know, I really don't think she'd do that..."
But you know. Sex starved women will do anything for attention. And apparently that includes attacking one of their fellow sex starved women and trying to crush her like a bug. Well guess what bitches, just think of me as a cockroach! No pun intended with the cock reference. :)

Wow, I really hope my grandma reads this post!