I've been lying to myself these days...
I've realized the past couple of weeks that the only reason I was "coping" so well with the deployment the past 7 1/2 months (wow) was that I was able to talk to my husband almost every day. Now, it's been one day shy of two weeks and we've talked four times. One line emails included in that count! I. am. losing. it. As much as I am his support, he is absolutely, 100%, mine. He's my encouragement when I feel like everything is going wrong. He helps "shore up my defenses" when I just can't take another damn thing. And now... I'm feeling very alone in a time when I need him more than ever. Between little things (like the baby cutting teeth), to big things (like our first REAL house and moving by myself), to scary things (like finding out if we can have any more kids on Tuesday), to sad things (my best friend's grandpa just died today), to happy things (another good friend is in labor right now), I can't share my heart and my life with him. It makes me feel isolated, and a little resentful.
I CAN do all these things on my own, and this is not to imply that I don't have a great support system in place, but you all know that nothing replaces the support of your mate. Even when he's totally clueless as to how I'm feeling and what I'm going through, he's just... well, he's just my penguin (you know, they mate for life... aww big sigh from the audience) and I need him.
Dear Husband, please come home soon. I miss laughing with you, and chasing you all over the bed at night to cuddle, watching you play with our son, and making fun of the gooey eyes you give me when you don't even have to say how much you love me. I miss you, and everything about you. Even your gross wet towels all over my house. I love you.
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i <3 you. I think you just inspired my blog for today.
ReplyDeleteAww sweetie. I know just how you feel. I hope that the rest of these months fly by and that he can call more often soon. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteits hard when there is a lack of communication. it seemed deployment was so much easier when i talked to matt everyday. after r&r he got tasked out to a new unit and was on very serious missions all the time and I hardly got to talk to him. I then lost my sense of composure. Its not an easy thing and I wish there was something I could do for you but I know there isn't. Hang in there hun and just try to keep busy.
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