is that a sock in your diaper? ugh, wtf?

Do's and Don't's for a mom running on 3 hours of sleep, half a Coke, and 8.5 months of deployment.

1. Under no circumstance should you make life-altering decisions when you're so tired you can't see straight. Oh, by the way, congratulate me, I enrolled in nursing school today!

2. You also should not attempt to shower, as you risk mixing up your toothbrush and razor. I'll let your imagination figure out which one I mixed.

3. You should probably find alternate means of child care for the day, otherwise, you may end up with all kinds of interesting diaper changes, and a few moments of head hanging defeat as you watch a 10 month old naked ass rip roar across the living room, taunting you as if to say, "Too slow!"

4. You definitely SHOULD take a three-way call with your college freshman brother and mom. You'll be silent most of the time, trying to figure out why the word "chip" sounds so strange, but you'll probably get a few laughs out of the story behind your brother's new college nickname. Try to keep it to yourself, though, because your mom will think she should know, but in reality, you should know better than to admit he said anything starting with, "So, FUNNY STORY..." We'll tell you when he's 25, Mom. Maybe.

5. You should take notes on the last time you fed your child, because waiting until he cries, I've heard, is a late indicator of hunger and may leave you with the sneaking suspicion that it's been about 6 hours since he had a bottle, but hey, at least he got some Goldfish in there.

6. If you finally wise up just before 4pm and decide to make a pot of coffee, try not to burst into tears when you can't find your coffee filters-- they're above the stove where you've always kept them.

7. I know by now you realize that if you hear SILENCE, that you should run, but just for the record, if you hear a strange NEW noise, you should also run, because I tell you it means trouble. And that the baby discovered how to pull the 5 gallon Goldfish carton off the table and onto the living room floor. Yaaaay!

8. When your friends come downstairs to see if you want to go to the park, and your body sags in exhaustion just thinking about it, you should probably just bow out. If you go anyway, you may end up with a picture similar to this, because you were too tired to chase your son before he made it to the street, but your friends thought a picture was appropriate.

9. When the coffee is done brewing, run, don't walk. You need all the help you can get to make it to 7pm bedtime.

10. As a side note, find a new spot to hide the phone. 911 doesn't care how smart he is for dialing, they are not amused.

::edit:: also, if you've only had 3 hours of sleep, you might mention a picture, forget to post it, and end up with a living room that looks like this in the time it took you to fix your oopsie: