Mommy Police

So I can't properly rant in the way that I'd like because I posted a link to this blog one too many times on Facebook and now I have no damn idea who still reads because a couple people who don't blog say they bookmarked me and check back, though those specific people I don't mind cause hell I'd say this shit in front of them anyway... It's the sneaky checkers I worry about. The sneaky checkers (allegedly) that are pissing me the HELL off.

First of all, as a disclaimer (first and last, ever), if you are the type to typically ask, "is this about me?" Nope. Sure isn't.

Now on to the goods. I've taken a lot of shit off of other women since becoming a wife and mother. Of course it's all "meant well" and no one means to offend or belittle with their appallingly bitchy-bossy-rude-hateful-judgmental comments-stares-throat clears... But I wasn't born yesterday. I may have been home schooled (haha) but I know when someone's patronizing me. I know when you think that how I'm living my life/loving my husband/raising my son is below the standard. I have let it get to me, eat me up, even doubt myself and my abilities to be a kick ass mom, a BAMF wife to my husband*, and, let's face it, a smokin hot redhead (I throw that in for kicks cause I can).

I was talking to a friend last night, and I realized I LET people push me into a lot of decisions that I now regret. I keep thinking about that Eleanor Roosevelt quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," and it makes me mad that I gave my consent so freely. That it was so easy for people who don't matter a bit at the end of the day to shake my confidence.

If I could go back in time, oh the things I'd change. Not to say that I'm in a bad spot now, or that I jacked my kid up (wait til he's 18 then we'll decide for sure), but I just feel like if I had been strong enough to stand up to the "Mommy Police**," things would be much different. There have been a lot of concessions that have been made on my part, but there's a specific issue that's been brought up lately, and it took me a while to realize, you know what, the fact that I do things differently, doesn't make me a bad mom. At fucking all. At the end of the day, if you want to sit on your high horse and judge me, call me names and belittle my abilities as a mom, that's your perogative. By the same token, it's mine as well to flip you the bird and not ask you to come hang out at my house anymore.

So if the way I handle things makes me ignorant, or paraniod (how can you be both, I ask?), or a "friggin hippie," or just plain over-attached (again, those seem to contradict...), then okay. I'm fine with it. I'm not by any means claiming perfection. I sooo don't have the energy to keep that shit up. But if I really need advice, I know who to go to. I know the opinions that I trust, and I need to stop letting the nonsense creep in and shake my confidence. It's so annoying.

So let me just say... I'm ABSOLUTELY the mom who
-lets her kid watch the Disney channel while she catches a few more minutes of sleep
-lets her baby run around in just a diaper
-and play by himself if he so chooses
-and sleep with me when he doesn't feel good
And I don't believe in
-the flu shot (or any shots, but that's one of the things I gave in on)
-daycare just for the hell of it
-freaking out that he is obsessed with his Daddy's (big, adult sized) blanket and likes to sleep with it AND a stuffed animal (Tigger, for the detail oriented)
-worrying how long he'll like his Binky (and omgosh it's so cute when he shares it!)
-public school as a rule (if it doesn't work, I'll homeschool, I don't care!)

I don't worry about a lot of things that people think I should. That's not to say I don't care, cause I absolutely do. I have reasons behind everything I have chosen, and my husband feels the same way (or respects the way I feel and doesn't argue, which is almost the same, right?).

I aim to raise my son to be respectful of others, but firm within his own self (better get stronger in that myself). I want him to be self sufficient, but I also want him to know that it's okay to ask for help when you need it (and to offer it when you see someone else needing it). I want him to be all the good things in my husband and myself, none of the bad, and more! I have high hopes for my son. But I don't plan to spend his childhood in a stressed out quivering mess in the corner. I'm making the choices that I feel are right, and if you don't agree and can't keep your damn mouth shut, feel free to hit the road, Jack!


*when I want to be, that is.
** see definition here